7 Priorities of Effective Parenting - Parenting Today's Adolescent # 3 - Chp. 3

Book: Dennis and Barbara Rainey's, Parenting Today's Adolescent I recommend this book and it can be ordered by clicking the title and getting 20% off at Christian Book. com or at your Christian Book Store. There is a lot more great info in this book than I put in my summary or abstract. (Like how to)

The Raineys write in chapter three that if they had just thirty minutes of your time they would give you seven priorities you need to be an effective parent.

I hope you realize, it is all about involvement. In our busy lives it is easier to let events or experiences parent our children than it is for parents to put into kids what they need.

Seven Priorities
Unless in quotations, the comments are mine

1. Prayer - "offensively and defensively" (all the time - the devil is after your kids)
2. Standards - Have regular conversations about convictions, values, boundaries, expectations of who to date before he or she dates. It is important that you as a parent live by the same standards you expect your kids to live by.
3. Involvement - They will reject your involvement more at some ages than others. Do not acccept no for an answer
4. Training - "Best parenting is proactive, not reactive"
5. Community - Let other adults be involved in the raising of your kids through accountability and doing community together.....The best and most natural place is church.
6. Direction - Start early and develop your child spiritually. Too many parents are afraid of this and leave it out of parenting. "I want to let my child discover his own spirituality" is the biggest mistake that many parents make. That would be smilar to the statement, "I will let him find out for himself that it is dangerous to play in the street."
7. Perseverance - Stay on track....You are still a parent even if you are not parenting. Never give up or give your child over to the world for their parenting. You will regret it forever...

Partnering with you
Royal

The Chronicles of Narnia

Here are two great sites on the new Disney Movie of C. S. Lewis' classic book series , The Chronicles of Narnia. Included are photos, interviews, and great videos of the making of the movie. Movie is coming to theatres in December.

Site 1 - Disney
Site 2 - MoviePhone

Parenting Today's Adolescent # 2 - Chp. 2

The Raineys write that, if parents are going to guide there children safely through adolescence, they need to know there are certain attitudes and behaviors that seem to appear during the preteen and teen years. If you know what zone, or time span, your child is going through you can be prepared to handle the needs of your child and "maintain your own equilibrium as a mom and dad."

• The Innocence Zone (Age 10-12) - The child is not yet experiencing the confusing hormonal signals and are more open to listening to parents. Parents should build a strong relationship with the child and begin to shape the child's convictions before adolescence kicks in.
• The Danger Zone (Age 13-16) - This is the time that most parents lose their connection with their child. You don't really know till later. Don't assume your teen has relationships with people who have the same values. Teens begin to test things that are harmful. Choosing the wrong path is a slow process not just a big or major event. The wise parents recognizes the danger zone and are careful not to give the child too much freedom too soon. Don't quit. Persevere....
• The Release Zone (Age 17-19) - An increase in privileges is a reward for mature, trustworthy, and faithful behavior by the teen. Failure will naturally occur from time to time. Goal is to release the child into adulthood, slowly, so by the last semester in high school he is free from many restrictions of his earlier years. As they make mistakes you are still there to coach, encourage, and correct. "Releasing the child does not mean you stop being protector, provider, and parent." The exception would be the child that has not proven himself trustworthy.

I, Royal, have found the main problem parents have during their child's teen years is being either clueless or in denial about what is happening in their child's world. Be involved in your kids. I don't mean just being a soccer mom or a baseball coach. They will naturally reject your involvement. Do not accept no for an answer....

Listen, listen, listen, talk a little, listen and be very involved in their lives.

Helping you to be cluefull,

Royal

Dreamer - Recommended Family Movie

There are not many movies today that are good for the family. Dreamer seems to be one of those movies.

Ted Baehr is a movie reviewer with Christian family values in mind, and on his website MovieGuide.org, he is dedicated to "redeeming the values of the mass media according to biblical principles, by influencing entertainment industry executives and helping families make wise media choices." Mr. Baehr gives very in depth reviews that include everything you would want to know in deciding if a movie is for you or your child to watch.

I recently received an email that included a letter from Mr. Baehr recommending the new movie Dreamer.

Here is part of the letter from Mr. Baehr:

On October 21, a very entertaining movie full of faith, family and godly dreams will come to a theater near you. Called DREAMER: INSPIRED BY A TRUE STORY, it is the NATIONAL VELVET of the 21 st Century, a wonderful, captivating movie that will make you want to stand up and cheer.

DREAMER is an extremely entertaining movie for the whole family with seamless script construction, direction, acting, and music.

Even better, DREAMER is a worthwhile cause to help children understand the importance of faith, family, responsibility, and perseverance. By supporting DREAMER, you are blessing your family and encouraging Hollywood to make better movies with faith and values.

There are a few movies worth going to the Theater…AND DREAMER is one of the few! There is still no better way to tell a story than on the big screen. Seeing the victory of the good over evil in a larger than life media can move your children to righteousness in a way far greater than mere words

DREAMER tells the story of a father who, for the love of his daughter, sacrifices almost everything to save the life of an injured racehorse and bring the promising filly back to her former glory.

Ben Crane (Kurt Russell) was once a great horseman, whose gifts as a trainer were now being wasted on making other men’s fortunes. Soñador—called Sonya—was a great horse whose promising future on the racetrack was suddenly cut short by a career-ending broken leg. Considered as good as dead to her owner, who also happens to be Ben’s boss, Sonya is given to Ben as severance pay, along with his walking papers. Now, it will take the unwavering faith and determination of Ben’s young daughter, Cale (Dakota Fanning), to bring these two damaged souls together in a quest for a seemingly impossible goal: to win the Breeders’ Cup Classic.

Dakota Fanning is brilliant in DREAMER, but so are Kurt Russell and Kris Kristofferson. DREAMER keeps you on the edge of your seat to the very last moment.

The jockey, Manny ( Freddy Rodriguez) , has several key lines in the movie, which relate to dreams given to him by God. Dakota's character, Cale, urges her father to have faith. Ben learns how to recapture his dream, reconnect with his daughter, love his wife, and stand on principle. Bribes are rejected, selling out is rejected and simple Romanticism is rejected.
DREAMER is a deeply gratifying movie which needs to be discovered by audiences who will love it.

I have fought for 20 years to restore Hollywood to producing movies that you can walk out of with your head held high. This is one.

You can also use this movie has a learning experience. Either read the activity guide to learn key talking points to share with your children or grandchildren or use it as a special opportunity to sit with them and read through it together.

Parenting Through the Traps of Adolescence

Dennis and Barabra Rainey's book, Parenting Today's Adolescent - Helping Your Child Avoid the Traps of the Preteen and the Teen Years, is a great parenting resource. Over the next few posts I will be feeding you some information from this book and commenting on it. I would recommend you buy this book.

"We are convinced that far too many parents are lulled to sleep during the tranquil elementary years. Unaware of the approaching perils of adolescence and of how quickly they arrive, parents are caught without a defensive or offensive game plan for the teenage years."

God wants you to be the best parent you can be. And God is just the one that knows how to go about being that parent. You are still the main influencer to your child and it is your job to take that responsibility seriously and not put it off till later. Start parenting your child now. It is not just about feeding, and clothing, and soccer games. Parenting is about leading your child into adulthood. God made you stewards of His kids.

The Raineys write that there are three categories that the critical tasks of being a God honoring parents fall under.

1) Know and walk in the truth ourselves - We need to know what we believe, why we believe, and live according to those convictions.

Your kids watch you and can figure out what your real convictions are.

2) Shape the truth in our children. Build convictions in ther lives that will make it easier for them to see the traps that come into their lives.

3) Monitor the tesing of the truth in our children. Encourage and guide them as they test their convictions in the real world.

According to the authors there are two hard-won, heartfelt conclusions that underlie all they say in this book:

1) Parents must be connected relationally, emotionally, affectionately to their children. This ongoing attachment and involvement is absolutely essential as parents encounter the challenges of raising their children to maturity.

2) The reason so many Christian parents are struggling today is that they do not know what they believe and have not determinied the standards, boundaries, and convicitions for their children.

Stay with me on this and we will pull some great stuff out of this book
Serving you in HIm
Royal

From the Mouths of Babes - Time Magazine Survey of 13 Year Olds

Time Magazine (August 8, 2005) focused on what it is like to be thirteen years old. It is harder being a teen today then it was in the 60s-80s. Our kids are exposed to more and Americans are less churched and more believe that there is no such thing as moral absolutes. Truth is relative to the culture and what everyone else believes is true.

Thirteen year olds had learned some things while watching parent's mistakes. Today's 13-year-olds are less likely to smoke, drink, do drugs, get pregnant, commit a crime or drop out of school then those of their parent's generation of the 1970s.

Time poled 501 thirteen year olds and some of the findings are:

• 67 % think being a teenager is harder to day than it was when their parents were teens.
• 46% believe the U.S. will be a worse place to live by the time they reach their parents age.
• 53% characterize their relationship with their parents as excellent.
• 53% say their parents are very involved in their lives.
• 68% reported that their parents have the right amount of involvement in their lives.
• 85% think their parents are either not too strict or just a little too strict.
• 72% say they have not started dating yet.
• 62% reported that their parents think they should be 16-years-old or older to date.
• 60% believe people should wait until marriage to have sex.