Are You Your Teens Mentor, or a Governor?

Do you remember how easy it was to parent your child when she thought you were God? When my kids were children they thought I could do everything and that I knew everything. My kids believed dad could speak any language, knew the lyrics to every song on the radio, and could protect them from every evil on the planet.

I am not really sure at what age I went from being all knowing and all powerful to brainless, but it seemed to happen somewhere around pre-teen. You know what I am talking about. Some of you are still trying to convince your teen you have not lost a step in the "being god" role.

As our children mature and develop a need to be independent self-thinkers, parenting becomes quite a challenge. Some parents back off and decide the easiest way to parent is the "don't ask don't tell method." While others just get louder and meaner to try and cover up their fall from omniscience and omnipotence. I have counseled many parents to start giving a little more rope. We look back at our own teen years and say, "No way! If I give him more rope he will just hang himself. I need to stay in control for his own good."
Control or governing our kids is a natural human tendency for most. As stewards of God's kids, which is what we are, our role is to be more of a mentor than a governor. We are to mentor our teens in to adulthood and help them become healthy adults emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

In the book Lead Your Teen to a Lifelong Faith, edited by White and Weidman, a great comparison is made between governing and mentoring your teen.

Governor: (G) You tend to fight your teens battles for him.
Mentoring: (M) You try to arm him`with the weapons of truth and character to face his own
foes.

(G) You try to control your teen's choices
(M) You give her the facts she needs to make her own decisions

(G) You tend to pretend that your teen has not grown.
(M) You watch for milestones that show he's ready for more independence

(G) You only give advice about the future.
(M) You try to help him deal with his fears about the future.

(G) You tend to lecture out of frustration.
(M) You try to offer motivation and inspiration when she's open to it.

(G) You tend to deal only with crises of the moment.
(M) You try to plant values that will be useful to him later.

(G) You pressure your teen to conform outwardly to your expectations.
(M) You try to help her be transformed inwardly through personal interaction with God.

I think the hardest thing about mentoring, as opposed to governing, is trust.

Here is the hard part. I know your thinking it is about trusting your teen, but it is much more than that and really easier than that at the same time. It is about trusting God.

It is hard to trust a teen. You have no clue where he is coming from at any time.

You can always trust God. Besides, it's His kid.

Serving with you in Him
Royal